Obama Adds Public Option to World Series

Scrappleface:  “President Obama today announced his plan to add ‘choice and competition’ to the World Series of Major League Baseball by adding a ‘public team’ to the traditional end-of-season championship duel. . . . Players on the public team must meet a stringent set of regulations, outlined in a 2,700-page codebook, that ensures the public will get the highest quality of baseball available within the limited resources of the federal government.”

Czar Cuts Exec Pay, Allows Just One Buffet Trip

Scrappleface:  “Obama administration pay czar Kenneth R. Feinberg announced today that, in addition to severely slashing paychecks of top executives at firms which the federal government bailed out, he would also limit them to a single daily trip to the ‘all you can eat’ buffet in the company cafeteria.”

U.N. Passes Resolution to Change Human Nature

Scrappleface:  “Following President Obama’s visionary speech to the United Nations Tuesday, the U.N. Security Council today passed a resolution altering human nature to comport with ‘Obama’s hope-saturated view of our global future.’  The measure comes a day after the council adopted a resolution aimed at ‘ridding the world of nuclear armaments, and replacing such weapons of mass destruction with fuzzy bunnies, warm chocolate and purple petunias.'”

ACORN CEO to Review Brothel Consulting Division

Scrappleface:  “After a series of hidden-camera videos showed employees of the community organizing group known as the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now in several cities offering advice on how to dodge tax laws to set up a brothel, ACORN’s chief executive officer said the organization would conduct a top-to-bottom review of its Brothel Consulting Services Division.”

New Public Option: U.S. to Cut Costs, Improve Service

Scrappleface:  “White House sources said today that President Obama may soon propose legislation that would save Americans billions of dollars each year while improving service by creating a ‘public option’ version of the federal government.  The new entity would introduce ‘choice and competition’ to the lethargic big-government market, currently dominated in many areas of the country by a single player.”

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